Q: Are you a scratch golfer?
A: Yes I sure am, after each shot I scratch my head and wonder where my ball went
It takes a serious amount of balls to golf like I do
I'm so bad at golf that I have to get my ball retriever regripped more often than my clubs.
Golf fact: The higher a golf players handicap, the higher the chance that he will try to tell you what you're doing wrong.
The best person to play golf with is someone who is always a little worse than you are.
If your opponent can't remember whether he shot a six or a seven on the hole, chances are he had an 8 on it.
New golf balls have a strong attraction to water, and the power of the attraction is directly proportionate to how much the balls cost.
With golf, the slow groups are always in front of you and the quick groups are always behind you.
Golf is the only game where the ball lies poorly and the golfers lie well.
A couple of friends are playing golf and from the fairway they are walking up they can see a river in the distance. One of them turns to the other, points at the river and says "Look at those crazy people down there fishing in the rain!"