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Good morning gorgeous! I'm so excited to see you this morning. This is our last letter for 2018 (rest is necessary), and I'm so grateful you've joined this weird little journey with me. 2018 has been a trash fire in a lot of ways, but pretty damn wonderful in others. To kick off our last Wednesday of 2018, I want to talk about how we can plan to stuff 2019 to the brim with goodness.

I had a bad boyfriend once. I remember him admiring another woman out loud to me once (uh, red fucking flag amirite?). He was admiring her work ethic, that she could study for hours and hours and then go straight to the gym. He said she was great at “delaying gratification”. It stuck in my head and made me feel less-than. I’ve always worked hard, you read a news and feminism letter at 6 am so I feel like you’re in this boat with me. Type A achievers are good at ‘delaying gratification’, and sometimes we forget what we’re really here for: 
to craft a life well lived.

Our vision boards are crowded with goals, do the TED talk, run the marathon, make a million, be on a bullshit list of influential 20/30/40/50-year-olds. We set out aggressive milestones for ourselves and put a plan in place to hit them. Hard work and achievement are positive things, they help us grow and move our lives forward— but in the process of chasing gold stars, we forget to include the things that make our lives worth living.

Where on that vision board are the deep belly laughs with best friends?
Where are the 2 am soul chats?
Where are the all-night dance parties?
Where is the art, the naps, the great sex, the play?

Where did we get this notion that we have to suffer for our pleasure? That’s bullshit. We only have so many days, why should we put off sprinkling a bit of what makes life beautiful into every single one? We shouldn’t be delaying gratification— we should be optimizing our lives for gratification.

In 2019 I want to have more sleepovers, more belly laughs, more dance parties, more conversations overserved on soul. I want to do things that bring light, not just cheddar. You don’t have to earn rest. You can just rest. You don’t have to earn fun, or, light, or laughter, but you do have to choose it.

I’m going to put that shit on my 2019 vision board. Join me.
We need to talk about having a Hart
This past week we found out that Kevin Hart was selected to host the 2019 Oscars, a pretty sweet gig for the 39-year-old actor and comedian. Then, his ghosts of tweets past came back to haunt him. Turns out, Hart had a thing for using homophobic slurs on Twitter and making pretty awful anti-gay jokes. All the damn time. To give you a flavor of the kind of tweets we're talking about, here is one (of many):

"Yo if my son comes home and try's 2 play with my daughter's dollhouse I'm going 2 break it over his head and say n my voice "Stop that's gay". - Kevin Hart, 2011

Hart didn't keep his past homophobia to Twitter, he has a whole standup bit on "handling" his son's first gay moment, and "nipping it in the bud" by knocking his kid down for dancing with another boy.

The Academy asked Hart to apologize. He refused and then stepped down from the hosting role. This has the internet in a tizzy, with some folks railing against ‘PC culture’ freaking out that things we did in high school will come back to haunt us (and, in some cases they should, Kavanaugh). Hart wasn't in high school though. These tweets weren’t from when he was 15, they were from 2011 when Hart was 32. That is old enough to know not to be a giant asshole to the LGBTQ community.

Here’s the deal, no human is perfect. We’ve all said and done shitty things, most of which shouldn't ruin our lives (or chances at hosting the Oscars, but come on, we don't have Kevin Hart's problems). When someone points out that you’ve done harm, you apologize. You fix it. You do the work, and you don’t fuck up in that specific way again. That’s the whole human gig.

Here’s the issue with this sitch: Hart didn’t do that. He refused to apologize. He claimed that the past is in the past, and called the journalists who brought the tweets to light 'trolls'. He let his ego prevent him from doing the human thing of apologizing— and he lost his shot at hosting the Oscars as a result.

This isn't PC culture ruining an opportunity for a deserving comedian, this is a dude refusing to apologize for doing something shitty and harmful over and over again for years and losing an opportunity as a result. It adds up. Now, let's give the gig to hilarious human unicorn Tiffany Haddish and be done with it. 
Something to make you laugh
Emily Heller thinks dating online is like trying to beat Super Mario. So many monsters.

Something to make you think
The eye-opening podcast Thunder Bay explores the city with Canada’s highest rate of homicide, the criminals who run it, and the racism against Indigenous Canadians that festers there. 

Something for a religious experience
Two Roman Catholic nuns have admitted to embezzling over $500k from the school they taught at. They used the money to gamble in Vegas, and take expensive vacations. They were having nun of that charity and chastity thing.

Something necessary
John Mulaney and Nick Kroll had the best opening monologue to an award show ever. Everyone should see it.

Something to get you through
I am the one thing in life I can control. I am inimitable; I am an original. I'm not falling behind or running late. I'm not standing still: I am lying in wait.
- Hamilton, Lin-Manuel Miranda 
Thank you for supporting #wntta in 2018, I'm so grateful for it. My holiday wish is to grow this community— so please tell a friend about us (or 500 ;)) I may pop into your inbox over the holidays with a thought, but if I don't, I hope you have a restful holiday full of 'nog, family, and slothing in front of Harry Potter for days in an adult pillow fort. I'll see you in 2019! 

Copyright © 2018 We Need To Talk About This, All rights reserved.

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