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Mornin' gorgeous. Prop yourself up on some pillows and grab a mug of coffee. It's time for our weekly catchup.  

As humans, we are really good at scary stories. We tell them around the campfire and in our mythology. We watch them with a hand in front of our face because that little girl just started singing and SMALL CHILDREN SHOULD NOT SING.  

More often, we make up scary stories to tell ourselves.

Our brains are great at finding worst case scenarios and playing them over and over to us. Small things, like why that person didn’t email you back (they clearly hate you)— to big things, like what is actually causing that turbulence (obviously super bad stuff).  

When life is going well we knock on wood. We don’t want to jinx it. We get even more scared because we're waiting for the "other shoe to drop". People must say that for a reason, right? Right?!

Humans are great at tragedy and terrible at comedy. Our brains are trashy Shakespeare knockoffs.

Here’s the thing, the shitty screenwriter in our brain doesn’t have enough information to make up the stories he tells us. He’s bad at his job, and probably named Shane.

When you start to spiral into the worst case scenario stories, just stop and tell Shane to cut it out. Settle into the uncomfortable, but not horrifying reality that you just don’t know. It’s OK not to know.

And try spinning up a best-case scenario once in a while. Just to piss Shane off.

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What's comin' will come, an' we'll meet it when it does.
- Hagrid
We need to talk about KavaNAH

Quick recap, Brett Kavanaugh is Trump’s pick for the vacant Supreme Court seat. Brett, a card-carrying member of the he-man-woman-haters club, is one of the most extreme right-wing nominees for the lifetime appointment. If confirmed, he would pose a serious threat to Roe v Wade, workers rights, and immigration. Under his eye.

Late last week Dr. Christine Blasey Ford stepped forward to tell her story about Brett Kavanaugh. In high school, he attempted to rape her while drunk at a party. It’s a terrifying story. There isn’t a reason to doubt Christine. Her therapist has notes from 2012 where she retold the story. She took a polygraph test administered by an FBI agent that confirmed she’s telling the truth. For coming forward, she’ll be publicly scrutinized and forced to relive her assault to golf buddies of her alleged rapist. Oh, and probably death threats.  She chose to do it anyway. She’s a hero.

Kavanaugh, who denies the account, has been caught lying a number of times already. Senate leader (and evil in a loose skin suit) Mitch McConnell is working feverishly to push through the confirmation, despite the fact that it would likely put a sexual abuser on the highest court. Sounds about right.

Republicans are going on camera to say different versions of “boys will be boys”, and that we all do stupid things in high school. Like attempted rape. They’ve also been voicing their sympathy for the accused. You read that right. A woman says a man tried to rape her at 15, and a bunch of men feel sorry for the guy who allegedly did it. Trump feels “terribly” for Kavanaugh. It’s telling that these guys always identify with the villain. They’re a bunch of geriatric Gastons.

Ford has asked that the FBI fully investigate her allegations before she testifies to the committee. This will help even a very uneven playing field. American friends, call your Senator and tell them to support a full investigation. Remember, they work for you.
I just want to say to the men in this country: Just shut up and step up.
Do the right thing for a change.
Senator Mazie Hirono
We need to talk about protests and plows

As we speak (read?) the Ontario Court of Appeals is reviewing the ruling that Doug Ford’s actions to reduce the size of Toronto’s City Council were deemed unconstitutional. Last week we talked about how Doug, Ontario’s bumbling racist uncle, threatened to use the Notwithstanding Clause to “but actually” the judge’s ruling, and kick democracy right in the cobblers.

Yesterday the court heard arguments from both sides of the appeal. Today we’ll find out if another judge will grant the appeal and overturn the previous ruling. This would allow Doug to move forward with slashing Toronto’s city council to 25, which he could accomplish by Thursday. If the court upholds the earlier ruling, Ford could still whip out the Notwithstanding Clause.

You could probably guess that Toronto isn’t happy. A poll conducted by Mainstreet Research (name eye-roll) found that 65% of Torontonians oppose the cuts, with 56% of Toronto strongly opposing. Protesters showed their distaste at a rushed overnight debate this weekend. Then, they followed Ford to an International Plowing Match. Hot.

Every day this nonsense continues, we’re throwing off the democratic process of electing representation in Toronto. Ford has brought his signature brand of loud, inarticulate chaos back to Toronto. Strap in, this is just the beginning.
Something to make you laugh
RuPaul and Kate McKinnon solved it. Andy Samberg is not invited.

Something to make you think
Jian Ghomeshi, John Hockenberry, and the laws of patriarchial physics.

Something to make you snort
Men cause 100% of unwanted pregnancies

Something to celebrate
It's official, Bert and Ernie are gay.

Something to get you through
I have realized that mystery is what keeps people away, and I’ve grown tired of smoke and mirrors. I yearn for the clean, well-lighted place. So let’s peek behind the curtain and hail the others like us. The open-faced sandwiches who take risks and live big and smile with all of their teeth. These are the people I want to be around. This is the honest way I want to live and love and write.
- Amy Poehler 
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