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Happy new year! It’s a been a hot minute since we last talked. I’m grateful for the rest but happy to be back around the campfire with you. This is a special new year's edition of We Need To Talk About This, with some resolutions, inspiration, frivolity—hold the politics just for today.

Before we get into some resolutions, we should stop and remember one key thing:

You don’t have to resolve to do anything differently. You don’t have to juice cleanse, or productivity hack, or buy a personal finance book. Despite what Instagram tells us, resolutions are completely optional. You don’t’ need to lose 10 pounds. You can decide to say “fuck it” instead. You’re enough, as is, right now. I know, you’re exasperated sighing at me. ‘But Sarah, I don’t feel enough, I need the goal achieved, the pounds lost.’ Fine, Susan, resist your own awesomeness, Jesus you can be difficult— all I’m asking is that you consider the idea that you don’t need fixing or changing at all.

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Now that the caveat is out of the way, I have some new year's resolutions for us. Aren’t I presumptuous! Who the hell do I think I am? Well, I wanted to write some— so get in loser, we’re living our best lives in 2019.
  1. Make your own yes
A lot of us rely on the yeses of other people to reach our goals. Yes, you can have the promotion. Yes, I want to marry you. Yes, you can write in this publication. Yes, you can be included on this list of top (whatever) under (probably too young to have been very useful yet). 

There is an issue there— if we set our goals around getting a yes from someone else, we don’t have control of the outcome. If you wait for Brad in upper management to decide if you’re worthy of achieving your goal— you give Brad a hell of a lot of power over your happiness. Here’s the real talk part, Karen, Brad isn’t so smart. Why are you letting him determine your success?

If you set goals around something someone else gets the final say on— you’re judging yourself by someone else’s judgment of you. You’re giving them the control over how you feel about your journey. No one deserves that kind of power over your life. Not your boss Brad, not your mother, not a committee of faceless judges. Don’t judge yourself by their judgments of you.

Instead, set goals you can control the outcome of. If there isn’t a door open for you, build your own fucking door. In 2019, we’re making our own yeses.

2. Be a little brave

Living an extraordinary life is scary. It requires edging out of the box we’re put in. It’s easier not to do it, and years can go by where we just didn’t do that thing we promised ourselves four Januarys ago that we would do. Living a different life requires work, commitment, and above all— a bit o’ courage. Courage because diverging from the prescribed path is threatening. People will find it uncomfortable that you have the ovaries to do something differently.

A lot of us prevent our own magic from manifesting because we worry about what “they” might think if we do. They might whisper about it, gossip about your new blog or video series over wine. Here’s the thing though: no child wants to be a critic when they grow up. No one aspires to be the asshole on the sidelines trying to disparage the person trying to do a thing. I’d way rather be the person trying to do a thing. In 2019, we muster some courage and do the thing we’ve been waiting to do. Start writing the book, create, sing to a crowd, start the Youtube channel, change jobs, quit your life and start again. Your one life deserves that you say “fuck what they think” and give it your all.

Something is inside you clammering to get out. It deserves to exist. In 2019, call on your courage— and begin.

3. Don’t have one night stands with yourself

Your relationship with your body and mind is like any relationship in your life. The more you learn about the other person, listen, text back, and be there for them when they need it— the deeper and stronger the relationship becomes. We do this really well for friends and family, but we tend to really fuck it up when it comes to our relationships with ourselves.

It’s easy to have one night stands with ourselves. Drink too much, go a week without proper sleep, forget what a vegetable looks like, talk shit about ourselves in a 4 am anxiety spiral. It’s easy to treat our bodies and minds like a casual fling, a tinder swipe who texts in full sentences and has a convenient location on the subway line.

In 2019 we should tend to our relationships with our bodies and minds with the same care we do with our relationships with our closest friends. When you make decisions in your life, ask yourself “What would someone in a long-term committed relationship with themselves choose?” That person would probably go to the yoga class, eat something with a leaf, head to therapy, set some boundaries, not text the ex, and sleep the extra hour.

We’re stuck with ourselves for (hopefully) a long ass time. 2019 is the year where we commit to making that relationship a beautiful one. 
The Dame’s Tips for Fabulous Living: New Years Edition
The Dame Tips are a monthly guest series by wntta's resident Don Draper: an elegant hedonist who suffers no fools, The Dame herself, writer Ali Schofield.

Happy New Year, my loves. I hope 2019 finds you recovering from a proper hangover with your New Year’s skivvies still dangling from a doorknob. My greatest New Year’s tradition is feeling smug about the fact that I’m not out fighting for a cab or bending to Uber surge rates or buying overpriced tickets to parties or spending even one second in the company of someone I don’t enjoy.

Read the full Dame's Tips on the blog.

Something to make you laugh
Kathryn Ryan knew the bullies were just jealous.

Something to see
Into the Spiderverse was the most creative film I’ve seen in years. It’s fun, the music is dope, John Mulaney plays a pig called Spiderham. Just go see it.

Some fresh hell
Louis CK is back with cruel jokes about the Parkland survivors, nonbinary people, and pretty boring straight white entitled dude bs attacking people who have had enough attacking already. Hey Louis, we don’t want to see your dick or hear your jokes. Please stop.

Something to get you through
When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.
- Audre Lorde
Thank you for coming by today, and making it all the way to the end (!!). In 2019 my goal is to grow this magical little community. You can help by sharing the letter with friends and fam, and I'm so grateful for it.

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You can find me on Twitter at @skstock and on Insta at @skstockdale. Don't be a stranger.

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