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"Because I said so."
— My Mother
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Me (bottom left) with sisters Paula and PS, mom, Patty, and dad, Fred
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Mothering has always been my north, and my sisters and I had the unimaginable good fortune of being mothered by a woman for whom mothering was also her north. My dad was a busy guy, out there doing great things and making his mark in the world, but I always say the very best thing my dad ever did was give us my mom. She simply made life wonderful, and we felt so totally loved, seen, and supported by her.
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Me and my mom, Patty
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My mother was the definition of a devoted heart, and she gave my sisters and me the gift of loving us with that heart. My friend Abby said, "Your heart was cared for like a well-tended orchid, allowing it to flower repeatedly from the acts of love, and there is no heart better prepared to love.…” My mom’s been gone 20 years, but I am still learning about her, loving her, and being inspired by her. I learned so much from her, both big and small. I saw how she quietly made a difference in the world, taking her joyful spirit of generosity everywhere she went. I have had the amazing blessing of having these extra moms from her band love me as their own, and we love to remind each other about all the “Patty-isms.” She lives on through me, my kids, the rest of her family, and her band, as all of us remember the stories about her.
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Band Mothers Sayings
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The genesis of this week’s issue started in my 20s, when the band daughters and I compiled a little book of our favorite quotes called Band Mothers Sayings. Here are a few of my mom’s:
“If you stand around and judge people, you’ll probably miss their good points.”
“Don't give a piano to the church if you have to tell people about it.”
“In-laws: listen to what they say, smile, don't disagree, and then do whatever you want.”
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My mom, Patty, getting ready to ice skate
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“You have to have a reason to get up every day.”
“A prudent enemy is better than a friend with no discretion.”
“You can't lose a friend you never had.”
“Sometimes it's only one minute at a time, and sometimes it's only one second at a time.”
“Don't take your friends shopping, because they don't want you to look any better than they do; take your mother.”
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Me and my mom, Patty
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This week Crumbles and friends sent photos and reflections on what they learned from their mothers. Some were wise, some funny, some sad, and many profound. We are sharing them below.
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This beloved, tattered picture captures Mother's Day at its core. Me and my kids, Lucy and Patrick
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Help a Community Member in Dire Need of a Few Groceries
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If you are a community member in dire need of some groceries, please click here to let us know.
If you are in a position to help fellow community members, please click here. No amount is too small. We're all in this together!
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Wednesday Night Cooking Club
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Photo by George Lange
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Join us Wednesday evening, May 13 at 7pm CST for another Cooking Club Instagram Live. Recipe revealed on Monday! Click here to sign up.
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Inspiration From This Week's Contributors
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This week, Crumbles and friends sent photos and reflections on what they learned from their mothers. Most we are sharing anonymously, and the photos are not meant to correlate with the submissions.
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Amy Owen's mom and grandfather
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My mom would have been 89 yesterday. Hard to believe she would have been older than my grandfather, as I can’t imagine her any differently than as pictured here. Even after 24 years of not having her on this earth, I can feel her presence and love anytime I call on it. I’ve been writing letters to myself most mornings of this quarantine, but yesterday I wrote a letter to myself from my mom. I got to hear all the things she would have said if she were still alive. And I realized she is actually right here, by my side and in my heart, always.
Amy Owen, Yoga Instructor
@amyowenyoga
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Zach (circa 1984) holding his Mom Sandy's hand while taking a walk with his brother, Seth, and sister, Allison
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My mother has always taught me to be my absolute self. My dad’s family is very reserved, showing no emotions. My mom never shushed my emotions or strength or questioning like they did. And it’s something I am constantly thankful for.
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For 40 years my mom has been reminding me that no matter how bad I think I have it, somebody has it worse.
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Molly and her mom, Maureen, 1996
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How to swim! She was terrified of the water, so she made sure I wasn’t...I miss her encouragement every day.
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On Mother’s Day I think about the pregnancies I’ve lost and the children I could have been celebrating with. While this is a source of sadness, I choose to shift my focus to my relationship with my own mother, and the ways I am “like a mother” to so many. The mother-child relationship takes many forms, and I am content knowing there are young people in my life who look to me for guidance, seek my wisdom, and love me unconditionally.
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My mom never returns an empty dish after someone cooks something for her. That’s where I get it from!
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Gorgeous flowers Teri's neighbor Jason gave her as a thank you when returning her Sloppy Joe dish
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Don't go cheap on bras and shoes. No matter the quality of the top, it will not lie right, and you need quality shoes so you can walk with confidence.
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The one thing that I live by most is what she would say when I was struggling with a decision: “When in doubt, don’t.”
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Laurice Bell with her mom Adrian Vanzant
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My mom left this world 22 years ago. One of the lessons she taught me was to double and triple recipes. If you’re going to make a mess in the kitchen, make more food. I think of her every time I use her 20 quart All-Clad stock pot.
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My mother could do anything, because she wasn’t afraid to try. Whether cooking or crafting or athletics or teaching, she wasn’t afraid to fail. She gave it 100%. Worry was not in her vocabulary! She was the total opposite of her mother, who worried about everything. She was only about 5’ 2” and she was a pole vaulter in high school!
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Baby Crumble Ffion, with her mom Elisabeth
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“The grave isn’t where I am. I live in the photo albums. In the songs I loved. In the stories and memories. That how you can honor me when I’m gone.” She died in a car accident when I was 15. It’s been 35 years, and she is with me every day.
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What I learned most undoubtedly from my mama was her unconditional love, her open-door policy. She was always available with a listening ear, an Italian biscotti, and a cup of tea or coffee for anyone (usually someone marginalized or hurting). She was never too busy to sit and listen.
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Sunday morning Zoom yoga teacher Rachel Fiske and her daughter, Lily, from their "Bathroom Selfies of America" series
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My mom taught me to stand up for myself when I have had enough. You don’t have to take it; you have a voice and a say and can create the life you want through the decisions you make and the people you allow in your life.
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My mother once told me she didn’t know what to do with a daughter, so she basically ignored me and left me to figure out life on my own—and you know that gets you into trouble. When I asked her about college, she told me, “Your brothers will all go to college, and you will get married and have babies.” That really affected my desire to do well in school.
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I learned that family is very important, and you should keep in contact and get together as often as you can, especially on holidays.
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Something funny I’ve learned from my mom is to always have a good vacuum. She cleaned and vacuumed EVERY day when I was little, and now there are few things I love more than fresh vacuum marks on the carpet. More importantly, I learned that small things make big memories. It was just the two of us for a long time while I was growing up, and when I went to college she always mailed me cute cards out of the blue, just saying she loved and missed me.
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Joanna with her mom
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My mom taught me how to have a great conversation. Anyone who meets her sees how nice and warm she is, and most people who take the time to talk to her open up quickly. Having really genuine, heartwarming connections with others has made me a better human.
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My Mom taught me what kind of mother I didn’t want to be.
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Work hard and don’t do anything that doesn’t make you happy. Never speak badly of those you love.
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Jenn Nahrstadt with her mom, Jocelyn
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When I was mourning a breakup or some relationship drama or loneliness or almost anything, really, my Mom would say, "I know it doesn't feel like it today, but you'll get to a different place." I didn't believe her until the day came, and then I was so thankful the day had come and that she had provided hope when I didn't have it.
Jenn Nahrstadt, Team member and Crumble
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Rachel Fiske with her mom, Barbara Thomas
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My mother had twins, so when I was pregnant with twins, I questioned my mom nonstop about how to care for them. She said, over and over when I was anxious, "Don’t worry, I’ll be there to help you." One morning I called my mom crying and said, “Why didn’t you tell me it was going to be like this?” She quietly said, “You wouldn’t have believed me if I had, because there is no way I could have described this level of exhaustion.” On that day she became my hero. She’d had seven kids in eight years. Mom to Mom we bonded in a new way!
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My mom showed us, not told us, the importance of serving and helping others. As a young adult, when I arrived at her house to take her out for her birthday, I walked in and smelled something cooking. “Mom, I thought we were going out tonight?” Well we were, but she had prepared a delicious meal, on her birthday, to drop off at a friend in need’s house.
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Tim with his mom, Dolly and daughter, Mariel
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She was a great, self taught natural cook. I spent a lot of time in the kitchen starting around when I was 7 cooking and causing trouble. She opened the door to my joy of food, art, (art classes were mandatory once a week, even in summers) and taught me about style. She thought it was important for her boys to be able to cook, decorate and understand other skills than were typically expected at the time. She is 88 and still making people smile.
Tim Turner, no crumbs left cookbook photographer
@timturner
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I learned to actually show your children you love them every day, in every way. I grew up coming after the housework, cooking, and other siblings, and I realized as an adult that I was constantly craving love, because I never felt it growing up.
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When I was about 11 years old, my mom asked me if I would rather learn how to sew my own clothes or go naked. Just about a year from going into middle school, I thought I’d rather learn how to sew. As the youngest of seven kids with only two girls, most of my hand-me-downs were boys’ clothes. The funny thing is, my mom did not know how to sew! Both of my grandmothers were expert seamstresses, though.
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My Grandmother at 90 and Mom enjoying a laugh together at my wedding reception. They’ve always had a tender relationship—evolving as the years go by, ever more caregiver and receiver but the laughs remain.
Photo Perry Vaile Photography @perryvaile
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If someone is going through something hard, reach out. You won’t regret helping others, but you will regret not helping or procrastinating. It only takes a moment and can be as simple as a hug.
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Aside from her amazing cooking and undying love: always leave the house wearing clean underwear.
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My mother was not an overly warm person, but she did teach me the importance of having a good credit history. Because of her, I was first among my friends to own a house, have the best interest rates on cars, and start racking up miles for free travel! Not the warm and fuzzy we all think of, and I do wish I’d had that too, but she taught me some seriously important life lessons.
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She always told me to conduct myself every day in a way that, when I put my head on my pillow, I will sleep soundly. I think about that with almost everything I do!
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She was the first foodie I ever met. Getting her to write down a recipe was hard, because she never followed a recipe, and she changed things while cooking and never measured. She taught me to show love through food. Shortly before she passed away, someone asked me what my mom’s favorite flower was. I didn’t know, so I asked her. There was a long pause. I wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to respond. She whispered, “Pillsbury.” I can’t think of a better story to describe my Mom.
Phil Koberlein, Whole30 Certifed Coach and Crumble
@lessphiling
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Lucy K visiting her mom in Poland
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These amazingly gorgeous Nesting Bundles are now available in Robyn's Egg Blue, Cherry Blossom, and Mother of Pearl. Click here to view the shop.
Something special is happening on Mother's Day morning, so be sure to check your email on Sunday!
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Everyone knows I love Entrée Salad Platters, and here's a perfect one for spring and Mother's Day! Most of it can be done ahead! Click here for the recipe.
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Melanie with her son Elias
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"Elias loved nocrumbsleft's Best Sloppy Joes Ever recipe so much so that he asked me to make it again less than a week later. In his words, “It’s amazing!” Thanks Teri for giving me new tools to show my son how much I love him. I don’t think of myself as a cook so this is really special.”
Melanie Grynsztejn
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Food Freedom Group 50% Off
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Teri and Stephanie at a book tour event in 2019
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Stephanie of Cook By Color Nutrition and Judith @jujuswhole30 are running a June Food Freedom Group! It runs June 1-30th, costs $65 (50% off, regular price $130) and is an absolute steal with daily Facebook conversation, lives twice a week , giveaways, and a Zoom with Teri. For more info, click here to sign up.
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This Week's Table Talks Podcast
Episode 8: Mothering: Sharing the Journey
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I want to share this favorite Table Talks episode from Season 1 with my friend Carol Dishell. Sharing a friendship that has lasted over the course of many life transitions, we talk about motherhood and sharing the journey, letting go of worry, the power of women communing with other women, and navigating divorce. We discuss raising and parenting capable children through young adulthood, as well as nurturing through food. Please listen in, enjoy, and share with your friends.
Listen on:
  
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This week in honor of Mother's Day, we want to give away a gorgeous red Staub cast iron frying pan. Click below to enter.
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