I don’t know anything more at the core of who we are as humans than the idea of our mother, and who she was—or was not—in our life. My mother will have been gone 21 years this fall, which makes this my 20th motherless Mother’s Day. Twenty years is a long time to miss someone and yearn for their presence. It truly takes my breath away.

I know all mothers weren’t like mine. This week, as we considered Mother’s Day, it was clear that many people have a complicated relationship with this holiday, and with their mothers. There’s such a spectrum: people who love their mothers unequivocally; people who love their mothers, but they’re gone; people whose mothers are alive, but they have had a challenging relationship; people who love being a mother and are excited to celebrate Mother’s Day.

In this episode, in celebration of Mother’s Day, I sit down with my children’s father, world class yoga educator Devarshi Steven Hartman, to reminisce about our mothers’ lives and deaths. It’s rare that mothers of a couple would be friends, but our mothers were, and we honor them by discussing what and who they were and were not. We touch on cooking, camping, doing dishes, parenting our kids, and living (and dying) without regrets. We are truly blessed. This tearjerker includes an engaging after show with our own @itsthelucyshow.

I clearly remember the second Mother's Day after my mom died. I was a sophomore in college, and I spent the day in bed. I never talked about my mother's death. It made me different from the other girls, and I didn't want to be an object of pity. It would take 11 more years before I found my tribe of motherless daughters to spend that weekend with. Now groups around the world gather the day before Mother's Day--this year virtually--to honor mothers no longer living and to celebrate our enduring connection, because mothers who've died deserve to be acknowledged on this weekend, too.

Hope Edelman, Author of Motherless Daughters
@hope_edelman
motherlessdaughters.com

I had a physically and emotionally abusive mother. She abandoned me for men many times throughout my childhood. I have worked hard to overcome the pain she caused me, but I have poured myself into being the very best mother I can be. Luckily, I had other examples of wonderful mothers. I view others’ relationships with their mothers with admiration and gladness to see what can be and what I hope my relationship will be with my own babies.

Anonymous

Mother’s Day is a hard day, not because I didn’t have a mom or had a bad mom, but because I feel like I could have been a better daughter.

Anna Stergas
@stergasa

Mother’s Day has long been a struggle for me, due to infertility. The celebration of a role that you want to hold so badly, but can’t, can be hard to witness. Over time, I’ve come to cherish my role as an aunt and godmother, and I am lucky to have friends who celebrate this type of mothering as well.

Kate Duis
@kduis1

My mom says I spent my childhood in the kitchen by her side, first sitting on the countertop, then standing on a stool, then, finally, with my feet on the floor. There was no place I’d rather be than watching her joyfully creating incredible food. Mom also says that, at some point, I started to just entirely take over and she became MY kitchen side kick. I wholeheartedly disagree; I still learn so much from her in the kitchen, and so much of what I share as a food creator comes from her. I do not have biological children myself, but almost everyone in my life calls me "Mom," and there’s no better testament to how I was raised than that.

Dan Pelosi
@GrossyPelosi
danpelosi.com

What I learned from my Mother, Helen Gagel:
Say the thing. Be clear, true, and honest in your words. Be strong for yourself first. Know who you are. Let your children be who they are meant to be. Revel in who they are. If you can’t drink it straight, don’t drink it. Learn how to make things grow.

Theresa Collins, Educator
@tscteach

A Mother’s Day Blessing:
As we celebrate motherhood in all its forms, may we inhale the love of our mothers and our children, here on earth and in spirit. May we marvel that our hearts and minds have the capacity for a love so deep, complicated, and never-ending. And may we see the thread that connects us all to the daily rituals of caregiving and being cared for by those close and far away. If your heart is hurting, exhale the grief, knowing that the tapestry of motherhood is strong enough to hold your pain and joy when it comes.

Trisha Melbly Willette
@twillette

There’s nothing I enjoy more than celebrating my mother, so this weekend in the Shop starting Saturday I’m giving away a Patty Bowl with any purchase of $48 or more. It’s a perfect personal-sized bowl that’s wonderful for soup or cereal. I love spreading Pattys around! Check your inbox on Saturday morning to get access to this crumble-exclusive deal!

 

If you love comfort food, you’re going to absolutely love our Cheeseburger Casserole in one of my gorgeous Made In Porcelain baking dishes. Best part is, it's perfect for Mother's Day!

Believe it or not, this week we're also giving away an additional Patty Bowl to the lucky giveaway winner in a glaze of their choice, so click below to enter!