In the kitchen, I’ve made it my goal to develop a sense of confidence and truly become a cook, rather than merely a recipe follower. Imagine the difference between following a recipe and truly cooking. In the former, there’s a feeling of holding on tight, hoping it will turn out “right,” and in the latter, there’s a feeling of magic as you take in new information from all your senses and use it. That’s how confidence builds! When you learn to improve as you go, kitchen confidence will develop naturally.

For example, if you’re following a recipe and the chicken is supposed to brown on one side but the clock says it’s time to flip it, it’s time to listen to your own intuition. In baking, it’s key to follow the recipe exactly, but even then, there are many variables, including your stove, your pan, and the temperature your food has reached. Every time you add salt “to taste,” you are building confidence in the kitchen.

Confidence extends to every aspect of being a foodie. You might be surprised to know that I am not one bit shy about asking to taste an apple or a tomato at the grocery store. It’s not because I want a free sample, but because I want to make sure it’s quite lovely before I take a product home. If it isn’t, I don’t want to buy it. It’s important to know that as a customer, when you’re considering a new product, it’s absolutely fair to ask for a sample first.

Another way I’ve developed confidence is through cultivating intentional relationships. For example, in the meat department, make friends with your butcher. Ask them what’s great and don’t be afraid to try new cuts. One of the reasons I love ordering from Porter Road is because they carry magnificent products. It’s really fun that they offer different items all the time—because their quality is truly spectacular. Click here for 15% off of your first Porter Road order!

The other day Fernanda was at the grocery store getting ingredients for chicken meatballs, and they didn’t have any ground chicken. She called me, and I said, “Ask if they have chicken and if they have a grinder. Let them know you’d like it ground and that you’re willing to wait.” Part of growing your confidence as a cook and as a customer is knowing it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for what you need. I rarely take no for an answer.

Years ago, I was doing a graduation party and wanted a cake cut specifically for a beautiful silver platter of my mom’s that I’d brought in. Initially the bakery staff were hesitant. I was a new customer. But I talked to them, and they eventually agreed to do it. It was a standout!

The confidence you build in the kitchen will extend into the world around you. When someone slipped into my DMs to remark that I should use the word “lovely” less, I pushed back and said no—and that’s what started the conversation about confidence that led to this issue.

Always remember to have fun in the kitchen! Let it be play. Making mistakes is part of improving as you go—it’s perfectly acceptable! Let your growing confidence spill into the other areas of your life, and someday you may find yourself confidently wearing a bathing suit, even if you’re not a perfect size 4.