The Wisdom Coalition Newsletter
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The Power of Joy
When It Works, It's The Best
by: Nancy Werteen
I have pretty awful eyesight. How bad? Well consider that I maxed out of soft contact lenses about 10 years ago. They don’t come in my prescription anymore. So, invariably most times when I am in the shower, of course wearing no glasses or contacts, my husband or one of my children will whip the bathroom door open with an all important question like, “How do you make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?” My response is usually the same, “I can’t hear you because I can’t see you.” The questioner will of course just repeat the question louder, “HOW DO YOU MAKE A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH?”. So then I am forced to answer because I CAN hear it but let’s put aside the question.  

I often wonder WHY I feel like I can’t hear them if I can’t see them. I think it has to do with all of the nuances and complications of communication. When you just hear the words without the facial expressions, hand gestures and inflections, the meaning of the words can feel off balance. I think about conversations I sometimes have and a person will say the right words but somehow the manner in which those words were said doesn’t seem right and so the interaction feels insincere or awkward. And then I respond to what the other person is saying feeling like I don’t really have all of the information and like my gut is telling me something is off.

Now I have a Master's degree in Communication Arts but in the world of actual communication, that doesn't mean much. Can't tell you how many times I haven't meant what I've said or said what I meant. And it's probably at least once a month that I ambush my husband a teary mess about this or that and he'll say, "That's not what I meant at all!" We've got 25 years in and we still don't always get it right.

Listening and really hearing another person-really conveying your own true feelings is hard work-and in my case usually involves whining and something running out of my nose. But when it works, it's the best but don't try it naked when you can't see!
Nuggets of Wisdom
From:  Annette Carpien/Relationship Coach
Nancy Werteen:  Why is it that we stumble when communicating sometimes?

Annette Carpien/Relationship Coach: How can two people who each want to be heard, understood, respected, valued and validated get their needs met when they feel the other person is misunderstanding or overpowering or fighting or suppressing them?  It seems overwhelming and frustrating.  Yet, even one person can create better outcomes by adding 3 key components: self-awareness, safety, structure.
The Power of Why
The Story I Made Up In My Head
by: Kim Howie
Experts say that 90 percent of our relationships take place in our heads.  Although at first this sounds crazy, I would challenge that statistic and say it might even be higher than 90 percent!  This is the root of most interpersonal conflicts.  

When interacting with others, we tend to see things not as they are, but rather as we are.  In this way, we are each creating our own reality. This explains how two people can walk away from a conversation with diversely different interpretations of what transpired.

Building awareness around our internal dialog and how it influences our feelings and behaviors is the first step to realizing that we create our own reality.  The next step is recognizing that we take in and process other people's words through our internal filter and make assumptions about what they mean based on our previous life experiences.  Once we understand that our assumptions may be flawed, it is our responsibility to check in with ourselves to see if there might be a different way to interpret what we heard and/or saw; giving the other person the benefit of the doubt.

Another wonderful tool, taught by Dr. Brene Brown in her book Rising Strong, is to check in with the other person using the phrase "the story I made up in my head was....."  This is a powerful tool that enables you to get the story out of your head and fact check it with the other person.  It also allows the other person to see how you have processed their words and/or actions, and allows them to either confirm or deny the validity of your story.  

Another wonderful benefit of this tool is that it diminishes the aspect of blame.  By owning your internal dialog and your subsequent story, you are not placing blame on the other person, and they are not feeling attacked or defensive.  As I tell my children, no one wins when you play the blame game! 
The Power of Now
The WC News and Events
Do you want to take the important relationships in your life to the next level? Then you have to hear and understand what other people are saying and make sure they understand you! 

Effective communication is the subject of our next podcast and we're hoping you'll join us in our studio audience. Professional Certified Relationship Coach, Annette Carpien, will reveal a valuable tool for communication that will help you strengthen the bonds in your life.

Let us know if you can join us on Thursday, March 16th at 1:30 PM at Steve Mittman's Studio in Allentown. Simply respond to this email and we will hold a seat for you!
The Who Behind The Wisdom Coalition
The Wisdom Coalition, LLC has been created by Kim Howie, Certified Health Coach, author, and designer of the Pure Energy Program, and Nancy Werteen, television news reporter and anchor with WFMZ-TV-69, currently producing a series called, “Life Lessons” which focuses on health and wellness tips, along with guidance and support from advising partner, Heather Rodale, VP of Community Outreach and a member of the Board of Directors for Rodale Inc., as well as founder of the not-for-profit organization, Healing Through The Arts.

The Wisdom Coalition has an amazing Wisdom Advisors with diverse skills who provide advice and support.

Our Mission: To create a collaborative community to help women flourish, thrive, and find joy in the journey of life.

Our Basis:  We believe in the power of women supporting other women and the wisdom we all have to teach one another how to find joy in the journey of life.
Copyright © 2017 The Wisdom Coalition, All rights reserved.

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