Not I

a daily diagram for how in the world to navigate this crazy life

"...I do nothing on my own, but say only what the Father taught me. And the one who sent me is with me - He has not deserted me..."
-John 8:28-29

I read these words and they flew up against a hard bent within me. The always-trying-to-be-enough bent that drives me to over-achieve and prove myself and never disappoint and never need help and never fall short.

But here it is from his own mouth. The One who calls me to follow his example in all things did NOTHING on his own.

That whole passage instructing us to stay in step with him, abide in him, draw from his strength, LET HIM produce his life in us instead of trying to conjure up the willpower to be good? He lived it before he asked us to follow.

This crazy life where he faced hunger and insult, homelessness and heartache, betrayal and abandonment, loss and enormous pressure to compromise, weariness and stress. He didn't do any of it on his own. He spoke the words he was given and walked where he was led and received everything from his Father. And it was a day in, day out diagram for how in the world we are supposed do this life.

He does not want me to try it by myself.

He wants me to ask my Father for what I need. To call on my Savior for strength to take on each thing, big or small. To lean hard on his Spirit for the wisdom and guidance for each choice, as enormous or inconsequential as it may seem.

In big steps, tense discussions, inflammatory situations, choking grief, huge risks, daunting unknowns where I have no idea how to move forward. And also in just the challenging, stressful days where a crammed schedule and not enough sleep make me fear that I will give in to my irritable, selfish, harsh flesh.

May I not live in fear of the damage I might do or the damage I may sustain, but may I step forward in confidence that He is with me, giving me everything I need to face what this day holds, and He has not asked me to know all the answers or to handle one single part of it on my own.

I need to remember. I need to remember because when I feel like I've lost my bearings, I hang on tight. I cling to my ideas, my ways of doing things, my expectations of timing.


Those are the wrong things to cling to.

Lord, help me cling to you. When I feel a wave of confusion or frustration, may I reach for Jesus rather than trying to rally in my own strength.

You are enough. I don't have to be enough for this or for what's next or for anyone else because here you are with me, just as your Father was with you, never deserting or abandoning you.

You are enough for this. You are enough for me.

"Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing."

-John 15:5

"...It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

-Galatians 2:20

"God has said, “I will never fail you.
    I will never abandon you.”

So we can say with confidence,

“The Lord is my helper,
    so I will have no fear.
    What can mere people do to me?”

-Hebrews 13:5-6



We Graduated!

We graduated from Ethnos360 Aviation's pre-field orientation on May 26. We are excited to be finished with this portion of our training and so thankful for the good preparation the team here has provided for us.

We're Moving!

We left McNeal on Thursday and are making way to Florida! We plan to base out of Deltona over the next several months while we complete our visa paperwork, tackle fund-raising, and prepare for our move to Papua New Guinea. 

You can pray for our family as we travel, settle in, and tackle the many tasks before us. It promises to be a busy season, and we're excited for it!

We're asking for wisdom to navigate this with our priorities in order, with the humility to lay down our need to be impressive, and with the confidence that our God has gone before us and will faithfully lead the way and lend the strength for all he calls us to.


What's Next?

We've been praying for the Lord to provide 100% of the monthly support Ethnos360 recommends for families heading into this ministry before we leave for the field.  Our departure to Papua New Guinea is tentatively scheduled for January if we can raise the rest of what we need by then.

And guys. What a faithful God we serve! What an incredible team he has put together! In person after person, we are seeing his heartbeat to carry his precious truth into new lives.

And we are in the LAST 8% (about $450/month left) of our fundraising!!!!!! 
Thank you so much for praying for this need!

A few one-time expenses we're asking the Lord to provide for include: Abishai's surgery this summer, plane tickets to Papua New Guinea, a four-wheeler to get around base there, and shipping costs to move our belongings.

Please keep praying that the Lord will prepare people to partner with us in this work, and that we will be generous and faithful stewards of all that He gives to us.


Abi is now 15 months old
. He talks constantly (though we don't always know what he's saying), makes up his own little songs and does such a happy dance to music when it comes on. He almost never gets tired of throwing rocks into puddles and creeks and he LOVES dogs. I'm not sure if love is a strong enough word actually. He hyperventilates, screams with joy, and tries to dive from my arms when he sees one. He can focus on nothing else. It's hilarious.

He has also seen Cody build and take apart enough things that he now tries his toy drill on just about every screw he can find, and he's started going to the door, telling us "bye" and thinking we'll just let him take off into the world without us.

We are getting such a kick out of him as his intense little personality develops. Please pray for us to be consistent in our parenting and for the Lord to give us his insight into what Abishai needs from us at each stage. 

You can also keep praying for his surgery coming up. We were able to get an appointment with the pediatric urologist in early July and should hopefully get his procedure on the schedule then.

Thank you so much for keeping up with us! 


Cody, Beka & Abishai

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