As a VHL patient and a person in general, I want to be more effective* with my anger...
I'm a pretty nice guy, but I found myself yelling at 2 of my nurses recently! LOL.I felt bad and felt even more stressed and frustrated! I apologized to them. But come to think of it, I was over reacting like this when I was hospitalized last year, too! Oh, brother! Although I may be "right" to pick-up a not-so-respectful or un-professional tone, I know I can focus on a more "assertive" goal in my responses.
To prepare for this reoccurring situation, I like using the "NUTS" process (see previous blogs**). My goal now is to feel solid on my feet or seat, be grounded, when I sense the tension in my body (and being "offended"). Then I remind myself "I'm a leader" or "respond as a leader" (for me, this has come to mean that I'm a lead member on my healthcare team and that I'm not a "downer" patient (and professional), but can accept a not-so-perfect situation! It has worked for me in the past and I have to go back to reminding myself of this more "effective" goal as opposed to just being "right" (or angry which can lead to outbursts and even more frustration).
How do you handle similar situations? Would you consider using "effectiveness" in managing anger and other feelings in VHL related situations?
* this idea is considered one smaller skill of how to do what you do in mindfulness:
being effective, is directed at reducing the participants’ tendency to be more concerned with being “right” than with what is actually needed or called for in a particular situation. Effectiveness is the opposite of “cutting off your nose to spite your face ... People often find it much easier to give up being right for being effective when it is viewed as a skillful response rather than as a “giving in” - Linehan, 2015, full definition-click
3. Anger/ N.U.T.S.