Hi <<First Name>>, we've been busy. Really busy. For the past 18 months we've been working our brewing magic to proudly bring you LAZER CRUSH, our first ever non-alcoholic IPA. 0.3% to be exact.

Our Founder and CEO, Logan Plant, says: 
"The goal was to create a best in class NO/Alcohol Free IPA. How can we brew an alcohol free beer but maintain the mouthfeel and flavour spectrum that wouldn't taste out of place with a regular ABV brew? Quite a few iterations later, we proudly give you Lazer Crush, and I think we've  knocked it out the park. Delicious peach aromas from the yeast compliment the blend of Citra, Azacca and Amarillo on the tropical dry hop. Cheers!"
Heavyweight flavour, featherweight ABV. This is a big, bullish, hoppy, in your face IPA that just happens to be alcohol free!

Rather than brewing with small amounts of malt or dealcoholizing after fermentation like other AFs out there, we’ve used a clever new strain of yeast that fully ferments our crisp pilsner malt base while producing hardly any alcohol and adds a hint of peachy fruit to boot. Then we’ve laid down some really heavy-duty hops. Azacca brings ripe mango with a hint of pine freshness, Amarillo gives bags of sweet orange and Citra adds that classic zesty citrus and grapefruit bitterness that we all want love in an IPA.

The result is a rocket fueled, turbo charged, laser-sharp IPA at a Monday-to-Sunday crushable 0.3%.
Stompy, high octane songs that will keep your feet moving. No alcohol required.
A Beavertown Serial | Chapter 1, pt 7

Sabro and Agnus freeze, before them in the eye of the storm a large sea creature holds an oblivious Simcoe high in the air. What could they do?! Agnus dithers, “this isn’t right at all, not at all!”, mumbling to himself and pacing. No help there then. Sabro panics, there’s only one thing for it. Grabbing the ray gun attached to their holster, they close their eyes and begin to fire. This ought to do something! Beams of light fill the sky, each ray shooting into the clouds as they miss the creature’s tentacles and thankfully, also Simcoe. Nanobot gives an electrical sigh, as if to say ‘I suppose I’ll sort this mess out’.

In a flash, Nanobot bolts towards the sea creature to reach Simcoe, managing to weave between Sabro’s incessant ray-gun firing. They begin deconstructing the tentacles clinging around Simcoe’s body. The sea monster stops, pauses, and begins to chuckle. Slowly at first, then, with each atom that Nanobot deconstructs, faster and faster. The creature begins to shake and howl with laughter, because as everyone knows, sea monsters are incredibly ticklish. The monster retreats, clearing the storm overhead. Simcoe drops to the ground, landing by the shore.

Sabro stops firing and opens their eyes. “I did it!”. They run towards their friend, who is now sitting up and rubbing a large bump on their head. “W-what happened? Where am I?” Simcoe frowns, confused. Sabro and Nanobot reach their friend and give them a pat on the shoulder. “Thought we’d lost you there for a minute!”. Agnus hobbles over, “We need to leave. Now.” They all head back towards the ship, Agnus becoming increasingly more nervous, shifting around as if they were being watched.

As they reach the ship, something is wrong. The door is open, a blue glow illuminating the inside... what’s in there? The glow becomes brighter, and a skeletal foot steps out. “Agnus?” Simcoe begins to turn, when a blue, fluorescent hand lands on their shoulder. Agnus is nowhere to be seen. In his place, two large skeletons, standing 7ft tall with bullish horns protruding from their skulls tower over them. “Nice ride, wanna race?” they say, flashing a toothy grin, "Winner keeps the ship." To be continued...

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