LYONHART AMRIE Newsletter March 15

Lovely Friends,

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Beating Up On Yourself

Do You Beat Up On Yourself Because You Feel That No Matter
What You Do You Just Are Never Good Enough?


Have you ever felt like no matter what you do you just are never good enough and should be doing more? Do you beat up on yourself in your quest to achieve a ceaselessly unattainable and elusive standard of excellence in your life? You work so hard in your life and yet it never seems to be enough.
At home you work so hard for your family: you help out your spouse, your children, your grandchildren, your parents, and even your household pets. 
At work you are required to keep up with the demands and deadlines of the establishment: your boss, your partners, your coworkers, clients, customers, vendors, and the government.  Also, it takes time to commute, to get to and from work, and back to home.
You are a loving and responsible friend, checking in with them, meeting up with them, and attending a multitude of social engagements including dinners, parties, and celebrations. Sometimes you even host or co-host the events, and you find yourself shopping, cooking, and cleaning for the events.
And then you have your own never-ending personal hygiene to attend to, which are the basics to looking and feeling good. Brush teeth, floss teeth, shower, bathe, exfoliate, shave, moisturize, cut hair, color hair, wax, repeat.  Pedicure and manicure, buy and wear good clothes, maintain groomed hair and teeth, repeat. Don’t gain too much weight, lose the weight you gained, exercise, stretch, cardio and strength training, repeat.  Eat your fruits and vegetables, stay away from gluten, avoid GMOs and chemicals, stay hydrated, repeat.
Not to mention that you have to take care of your living space. Cook. Clean the house. Mow the lawn. Water the plants and flowers.  Repair and improve the home.
On top of all of that, you have your own projects and aspirations. Maybe you have side businesses or hobbies.  Maybe you want to switch gears and change the course of your career. Maybe that entails going back to school, writing, getting coached, developing and designing a new business, or obtaining financing.
Meet the deadline, pick up the children, mow the lawn, cook dinner, look great, work on the project. The list is endless.

 Judgement is Demanding, Relentless and Never-Ending
Let’s face it. Our society is designed so that it is demanding and we do not have much personal time or time to relax. And we judge ourselves when we perceive ourselves as falling short.

Many of us are not paid for when we take time off.  The social constructs of the machine of society are demanding, relentless, never ending.  How do we keep up with all that there is to do: grocery shopping, bill paying, cooking, cleaning, laundry, dry-cleaning, ironing, caring for pets, play dates, check homework, chauffeur children to doctor’s appointments and extracurricular activities, yard work, home repairs, look great, stay calm, repeat.

Not to mention exercising and meditating, repeat.  The list is endless and we are expected to be calm, cool, collected, professional, healthy and ready for our job demands and clients in spite of all of it.  Truth be told, life is demanding.  Even if we manage to do all of things, no matter what we do, we just end up feeling that it is not enough, that we should be doing more, that it will never be enough, and that there are always more goals to define and accomplish, there is more to do. 

The feeling is a never-ending relentless wave of demands. We ourselves want and need things from ourselves, and so does our family, our co-workers, bosses, friends, pet and the establishment, and if we do not produce or meet their demands or our own expectations, we find that we are disappointed in ourselves as we fall short.
 Time to Stop the Never-Ending Judgment
It is time for us to stop this cyclical wheel of never-ending, never good-enough judgment of ourselves. 

Often-times, this criticism of ourselves developed from when we were young with over-bearing and critical parents who placed insurmountable demands on us.   But we do not have to play into this scenario anymore. 
 Get Quiet and Have Compassion for Yourself
It is time for us to stop for a minute, get quiet, and have some compassion for ourselves.

If we do not have compassion and love for ourselves then others will not have compassion and love for us. It is important for us to be able to give ourselves permission to say that we have reached our limit and that enough is enough. It is important to be able to admit that to ourselves first and foremost, and then to others. 

Take a deep breathe.  Now, try saying:  “I am overextended now – I need not to engage in activity, this is what I need instead…(state what you need to take care of yourself at the moment)”…. See, that wasn't so bad, right?

 Burnt Out You Will Not Be Good For Anyone Including Yourself
Having compassion for ourselves allows us to set boundaries with others and to put our own needs first. 
Having compassion for ourselves allows us to set boundaries with others and to put our own needs first.  This is not about wallowing in self-pity or being selfish.  Rather, what this is about is not overextending yourself just because people make demands of you that leave you burnt-out, exhausted and unable to take care of yourself and replenish yourself.  If you are burnt-out you will not be good to anyone including yourself and others.
Think of a candle burning.  A candle needs a certain amount of oxygen and space to burn. What happens if it gets windy or someone blows out the candle.  Yes the candle will go out so too think of yourself as a candle – your body, mind and spirit need a certain amount of space and time to function (to stay lit).  When someone or something puts too much pressure (wind) on your, you are so busy and not able to maintain that functionality and you are not gong to be able to function.  You literally “burn out” and that is why it’s called “burn out” when people are overwhelmed and tired.
 Compassion is the Oxygen You Need to Breathe and Stay Lit
Have compassion for yourself in order to keep the space flowing and clear around you.

It is important to have compassion for yourself in order to keep the space flowing and clear around you.  The oxygen that you need to breathe and to stay lit, compassion comes into play because if you think you have not achieved enough or do not do enough for people then you will feel pressured to do more and more and this will lead to you being overwhelmed and overextended. 

When you have compassion for yourself you can take time to sit back, reflect, give yourself credit for what you have done, and to assess what you want to do and feel comfortable to do in terms of giving to yourself and to your needs and then the needs for your family and loved ones and others in your personal and professional life.
Having compassion with yourself will help put the brakes on, stop the mad rush of the ceaseless “to do” list and give yourself a chance to breathe and just be.  It will put you in a better frame of mind, a clearer mind to make better choices for you and your loved ones in your life. With better choices in your life and more self-care you can ease your life journey and make a better way for yourself.

Try having kindness and compassion with yourself today.

I wish you love, trust, peace, faith, and compassion.

Blessings and Light, 
For those of you who would like to stop beating up on yourselves, stop the judgment, and have compassion for yourself, I am offering the following Events:


4 part “Respite & Rejuvenate” Series
Designed to help you reconnect to your inner strength, and the beautiful and magical allies that we can call upon, even during the most challenging of times. 

Get away from the hustle and bustle of your harried everyday routine.  Step into a tranquil setting that invites you to relax, rest and let go.  Find a pathway that supports change, and a moment of peace and tranquillity. 
Tournesol Wellness 26 W. 36th Street between
Madison and Park Avenues, New York, NY 10016
April 6th, 2016. 6:30pm Ready Set: Calm Unwind
April 27th, 2016. 6:30pm It's just not so: You are not Alone
May 25th, 2016. 6:30pm Judgement and Self Depreciation 
June 15th, 2016. 6:30pm You have the Power: Power to Change

Attend 1 workshop, or attend all 4 to help you find your way back to a more empowered "you". 
Click here for more information, and to book now.


Copyright © 2016 LyonHart Amrie, All rights reserved.

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